Lifeguarding is a Lifestyle

Folks, I dont know about you but I am sick to death of hearing horror stories of near miss drownings and worst still the loss of life in the waters that surround our wonderful country.

Learning to swim and survive is a progression that starts with the development of basic skills. Teaching your child simple skills and providing plenty of opportunities to experience the water and gain in confidence will provide the required foundation for further learning.

ALWAYS remember that active parental involvement (physically being in the water with your child) is essential for a secure and productive learning environment.

HAVE FUN! The more you and your child enjoy the experience together the greater the results will be.

Important Note: Teaching young children can be frustrating if you expect immediate results. All kids are different, don’t push them and allow them to go at own pace. Remember, they have a long time to improve their abilities in the water. Initially the focus must be on enhancing their familiarity and confidence in the water. This process will take time, but the rewards and benefits of swimming will last them a lifetime.

The good old days saw swim progammes in schools and every child had to learn basic water safety which included learning to swim. I have to ask what went wrong, why did this valuable programme stop?

I think we have to get back to swim education and so my suggestion is if you as parents cant swim then make it a family challenge that you all go to the pool and learn! We have to stop our people drowning and the only way to assist in this is to educate everyone on the benefits of water safety and awareness.

As lifeguards on our beaches I think we owe it to ourselves to understand how we can further assist in saving lives. It would be interesting to ask a selsction of adult beach goers next time you are on patrol this simple question, “Can you swim?

If mum and dad are with their children ask the kids if they can swim? The reason for my stance on this is simple and common sense  in my way of thinking. We all come to the beach for something and ultimately it is for a swim, now my fuzzy logic tells me that if you as lifeguards are here to protect beach goers, who come to swim and dont know how then your risk on the beach is huge.

I think your starting to get the picture, it doesnt take alot of brain energy to understand that we have to educate to make our jobs easier each and every day at the beach. I will leave you with my thoughts on learning to swim and ask that you dont just read it and say to yourself that “its common sense”,do something about it!

So whats your plan to assist, maybe I can help so let me know your thoughts as I to am very committed to educating those that love water like I do.

“In it for life”

Mark G

Well folks I have to say that my holiday at my favourite beach was sadly disrupted early in the New Year. About 80km to the South of Waihi Beach is a very beautiful reef that was a magnet for divers and lovers of marine life. In October the container ship  “Rena” ran aground on the Astrolabe Reef which is situated off Mt Maunganui. 

The Rena has since broken up in the new year with the stern section sinking and falling off the edge of the reef. The containers she was carrying have floated off or sank and are still a danger to everyone from pleasure craft, shipping and even swimmers.

There is debris being washed ashore which includes timber, bags of Rice and milk powder along with globs of heavy engine oil from her fuel tanks and surrounding compartments. I have to say its a very sad site to see a beach you enjoy year after year being littered with debris that could have been avoided.

Commerce is something our world relies on for survival and part of that commerce process is transportation of which shipping is a large part of. I believe we tend to block out a lot of what happens on a daily basis because it doesn’t affect our daily routines until it creates a problem for us as individuals.

The powers that be have been focusing on the salvage and clean-up efforts and the Transport Accident Investigation Commission will eventually be investigating the grounding and I guess we can expect them to make recommendations required on matters to improve shipping safety 

The thing that really annoys the hell out of me is that we are talking about the worst ever marine environmental disaster in New Zealand which is likely to cost $300 million or more. I believe if we had a warning device on the “Astrolab reef “in the first place and regulations that had fines for those companies breaking exclusion areas around these prime locations we would at least have a something in place to deter bad practice.

I look at our other natural disaster and the folk suffering in Christchurch through earthquake after earthquake and have to ask, why the hell are we wasting $300 million or so cleaning up something that could have been prevented in the first place?

I know I am on my soap box again but stay with me lifeguards of the world. Do you actually know what crosses the horizon of the beach you protect season after season? Have you got a response to deal with situations like this and have you identified what potential risk management could be put in place to alert those transporting hazardous cargo of the risks around your beach? 

I know that nothing will ever stop accidents occuring and we deal with these as they occur but if we know that things are not right with those vessels transporting cargo then we should do something about it right? In regards to the Rena there were early indicators early last year that all was not right with the ship when it was impounded in Australia , partially due to mechanical faults.

The ships management were also warned about the Rena’s safety record less than two weeks before the grounding which is an indicator that all was not well with the Rena. The Rena had safety concerns raised about it in China, in Australia and then in Bluff so at what point did we do something about it?

At least 32 containers on board the Rena contained dangerous goods although the ship’s official manifest, released soon after the grounding, listed 11 containers of goods classified as hazardous despite  requirements of the International Dangerous Goods Code to declare all cargo of this nature.

I guess at the end of the day it is all about risk management and the fact that if we know about it we can deal with it in the best way possible and with the latest technology at our disposal. All I ask is that you question what is and will be your sphere of responsibility as a lifeguard and make yourself aware of the risks that may occur in and around your beach.

We are here to protect beach dwellers and ensure their experience at our beach is both safe and pleasant and I am pretty sure we dont come to the beach to clean up debris that didnt need to be there in the first place.

Ok so that was my last few weeks, how has your day been?

Mark G

Christmas at last, I guess a lot of you will head to the beach this summer in the hope of finding waves, love,peace and perhaps just rest and relaxation after a long year of study, work and just simple existance.

I think the last 3 years have been very stressful indeed and for a lot of us we just need to kick back and chill. Uhuh, here it comes that little piece of advice that you know I am going to attempt to decipher and deliver.

We all need relaxation, but you know when we relax we slow down and then it happens…………… we let our guard down. I would ask each and everyone of you to spare a thought for the lonely couple who may just assist you to be safe while on holiday.

I am talking about ‘Mr and Mrs Common Sense’ who are with all of us day in and day out. We can hear them but do we listen, I think we should listen to them as they will bring us home safe again from the wondrous event we call the holiday;

I have already put them on my Christmas card list and will be taking them on holiday with me. Ahhhhhhhhhhhh I hear you pondering the fact that I haven’t added the mindless dribble that comes from my occasional brain farts.

Well for once this is about the serious subject of safety and enjoyment so I will wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a safe and happy New Year and let you go forth and enjoy.

Mark G

The beach extends but a mile away,I hear the children in the surf as they play.

My hand outstretched in vane, I need your help to ease my pain.

I felt my feet leave the sand, as the cross current took me in hand.

I drifted right then out I went, the rip sapped the last of my strength.

See my hand I am holding it high, I only want to breath on land and not drown and die.

Save me my lifeguard friend, let me live to stroll the waters edge at days end.

I seek your help my lesson is learnt ,I need to be upon the beach not floating face down sun baked and burnt.

I want you now come save my life, dont let me drown and leave my children and wife.

Alas I fear no help will come and I am starting to sink, to the watery depths where there is no sun.

To drown alone is so final and cruel, I wish I had learnt to swim I feel such a fool.

I raise my hand to give one last chance in the hope a lifeguard will see me at a glance……………

Well folks  the poetry of the sea is sometimes so cruel and decisive, as a lifeguard I have saved many who didnt understand that learning to swim is critical if you want to play in the sea, lakes or rivers.

Whatever you do I hope you heed my very brief poem of reality as I dont want this to be you this summer.

Mark G

Ok, now you know I write some rubbish from time to time but this is something that captured my sense of all that is not right with the morons that visit our beach and FART in the ocean! I suggest you read it and form your own opinion and alas I cant take credit for this mindless piece of dribble.

Knowing that sea-fearing microbes make up a large percentage of our readership, I am going to address this article to them, or really, to you.

My message is simple, and I will be very direct:

Microbes, Stop Farting In our Oceans.

I know, you’re but a simple form of life that must release your pent-up gasses, but according to some smarty-pants scientists over at the Woods Hole Oceanographic Institution (WHOI), your farts contribute to the trapping of greenhouse gasses, thus dooming us all. Or something to that affect. That doesn’t bother us very much though. I mean, it will, when the earth is all Water World-y and we all have gills and we’re drinking our own pee, but in the short run we just don’t want to see a bubble spring up from beneath the surface and know that it came from your microscopic asshole. We already know that fish are polluting our beach time fun with their fecal mess, we just don’t want your ass turning a day at the beach in to a tour of our local sewage waste facility.

Seeing as the actual scientific explanation for why you guys fart so often is a little too complex for us to explain, we’ll just copy and paste this explanation from a site we found called trebuchet-magazine.com:

“bacteria coalesce on tiny particles of carbon-rich detritus sinking through the depths. WHOI marine biogeochemists Laura Hmelo, Benjamin Van Mooy, and Tracy Mincer found that these bacteria send out chemical signals to discern if other bacteria are in the neighborhood. If enough of their cohorts are nearby, then bacteria en masse commence secreting enzymes that break up the carbon-containing molecules within the particles into more digestible bits. It has been suggested that coordinated expression of enzymes is very advantageous for bacteria on sinking particles, and Hmelo and her colleagues have uncovered the first proof of this in the ocean.”

If we’re reading this correctly, which we may not be, then it seems you ocean microbes use farts as a means of communication. In your world of floating endlessly through the earth’s many seas, the way you make friends is by slapping out a beefy gust of wind. What are you, a child? I know you’re a simple form of life, but you are a part of the complex and deeply interesting system of life and are studied by some of the world’s smartest humans. Do you really want to be known as the idiots that make friends by impressing each other with farts? Isn’t that a little childish? You’ve been around since the dawn of time, since life began, and in all that time you haven’t matured beyond the point of farting at each other, laughing, and forming deep, meaningful partnerships as result. I’m sorry to say it, but that’s pathetic. I once made a friend because in high school we both liked the Insane Clown Posse. That’s pretty pathetic by human standards. But by microbial standards being brought together by ICP is like making a new best friend at a MENSA meeting.

I know I shouldn’t expect much from a simple form of life like you, microbes. But I hold everything that meets the requirements for being officially classified as living to a high standard. Thus, while you are a living creature, you are making an ass of ourselves and are embarrassing us. Besides, what are we going to say to the aliens that visit us in 500 years, after the polar ice caps have melted and the coldest place on earth is 105 degrees? That a simple form of life farted us in to the apocalypse? Do you know how embarrassing that will be for us? No grand nuclear war. No asteroid-caused mass extinction. Just microscopic farts. We will officially be known as the biggest pussies in the cosmos. And you will be to blame.

So, in closing: Microbes, please, grow the hell up!

Well readers of my unbroken thought patterns, isnt this a brilliant piece of absolute shite ? I have to say even I am constipated at the thought of  the inspiration for this peace of tripe! Should you wish to confirm I havent gone completely nuts here is where I found it.

http://www.holytaco.com/attention-microbes-in-the-ocean-stop-farting-in-our-water/

I must say I cant wait for my summer thinking to kick in as this is a great start to what is my thoughts on lifeguarding and related topics.

Mark G

Every summer I have a rant about something and this year is no different. Like the seasons that pass us by so do the tides come and go. With every ebb and flow of the tide it brings and takes away risk on our beaches.

At this point ask yourself this, do I actually assess the risk after every tide or do I just accept that my beach is the same from day to day and week to week? I believe every day brings new risks from sea shells to beach dwellers of the naked variety.

I know I assess each and every beach dweller that enters my sphere of responsibility (no not the naked ones), I also know that I ensure the beach is clear of visible hazards and risk to those who come to the beach to enjoy the sun and sand.

The other habit that I have developed prior to patrol is to take a walk through the shallows and at waist height to understand if there are shells on the sea bed and cross currents in the swimming areas so as to best advise my beach dwelling sun lovers on the safest place to swim.

I believe that if we truly assess the risks then we have indeed made our beach and surrounds safe for those who come to enjoy our little piece of paradise each and every day.

Well followers of my broken thought patterns and outlawed grammar I sincerely hope your season is a safe one and you do indeed  find your nirvana. Make sure you slip, slop and slap and play nice in the sun and I will catch you on the next tide.

Mark G

My zone is a place somewhere between my love of painting and sitting on a paddle board reflecting on the calm and tranquility that can exist in and on the sea.

Our zones are important to us as they allow us to reflect on the days ahead but more importantly the days that have passed us by. When we reflect we all have different perceptions, interpretations and mostly we focus on ourself which is normal human behaviour.

If we could turn that around and put ourselves in the place of those we have interacted with recently and ask this question of ourself, “Would I have communicated any differently now that I see the outcomes of those interactions”?

I have to say I think I would, we more often than not react in an annoyed or semi annoyed state which generally brings anger, frustration and personality into the discussions from both parties if things don’t go the way we want.

I think at the clubhouse or on the beach we all strike these situations and mostly we walk away with ill feelings or states of utter confusion after these sorts of situations. The consensus is that we are all trying to communicate our perception or  interpretation of what we want but unfortunately frustration tends to cloud our response and delivery of that response.

Make sure you know what you want and articulate this in a commonsense logical manner. I think you also need to listen to the other person or persons point of view because we may change our mind on what we actually want and need?

Well another bleat on communication ……….hhhhhmmmmmmm this seems to be a common subject on this blog?I wonder if there is a common denominator, you know I think it is mirror time once again.

Until my next self opinionated interpretation of what is and what could be ………enjoy the beach be safe and play nice!

Mark G

Well sand loungers its that time of year when we consider the annual migration towards our beach holiday.

Like our name sake in the bush and mountains of this great country, we have to consider our lifestyle (ie) income, food, a place to live and the dangers of our daily life.

There is one danger that is constant for the bush dwelling kiwi and that is their predators, for us there is a similar danger although not a predator it  has the potential to be life threatening.

I am talking about the ocean and all that it is both calm and violent. After many years of education we have taken onboard the need to “slip, slop, slap”.

So for many of you  I have to ask “why is it that we havent ensured that our children can swim properly and know the dangers of the ocean”?

I think the next learning curve we have to overcome is teaching everyone who has the ability to swim at a young age to learn to swim.

The simple process of swimming will assist our children and perhaps those adults who cant swim to prolong their life long enough for help to arrive should they get into difficulty.

If you have a summer  swim programme at the town pool or swimming centre then I believe the best insurance you can have is to give those within your family who cant swim the knowledge and skills to swim.

Now for the message. I know all of us would protect our family from danger and harm so with that in mind you need to teach those members of your family that cant swim to do so, yes? 

Ok oyster slurpers I have had my whinge, its simple if you cant swim learn!

Mark G

When it comes to logic at the beach and safe swimming areas………………………….I think we forgot to inform the average city yokel some where along the way about the potential danger to his or her life.

How many of us have watched the family saloon find the nearest available parking spot at the beach and then watched the doors burst open and the inhabitants traverse the dunes and head straight into the water?

Ahem ……………………….yokels listen up, we dont just put the pretty yellow and red flags up to keep the seagulls off your shark and tatties (fush and chups to those wombats reading this)!

The pretty flags just happen to signal the safest area to swim and thats because some of us lifeguards have used logic to assist you soon to be rescued beach dwellers.

Maybe I am being a little harsh………………………….or maybe not, the point I am making swimmers of convenience is that we are there to save your life should you get into difficulty so please assist us by swimming between the flags!

I just had to get that damn ”Logic” word out of my head as it didnt seem to make sense after watching Mr and Mrs Ima Gonnadrown carry out their ilogical behaviour year after year.

Phew my brain is clear now sand munchers….carry on the good work.

Mark G

I was at one of our eastern beaches today and I was watching some children playing in the water. Their parents were some 50 feet away and they were looking up every now and then to check on the children who were having a great time in the shallows.

One of the youngsters happened to venture out a little to far and as I was 200 metres away my critical decision was to yell at the parents. I reacted because the father had rolled over and was facing away from the water reading a news paper and the mother had become engrossed in her book.

For a split second I became the raving nutter at the beach that sounded like a man with chili paste smeared on his tongue. The outcome was that mother jumped to her feet and saved the young one from any real harm and the father came walking towards me and threatened to remove my lower extraction valve if I ever swore in front of the children again.

As this little man came closer it became apparent to him that I could probably give him a free lobotomy with a sharp oyster shell, but you know I didn’t. What I did do jellyfish botherer’s, was to walk back with the father and sit down with the family and teach them about rips and the need for care at the beach.

I guess I made two critical decisions, firstly I yelled at the parents to give assistance knowing I couldnt get to the child quickly enough. The second critical decision was to educate the family about surf safety and the need to take care at the beach.

Yes crab crawlers there were two positive outcomes as well, which were the young man was safe and the whole family learn’t a valuable lesson. The other cool thing is that I made a difference to a young life and made some new friends who I know will be around long after I have gone. 

I guess the moral of this one is that…………………..”Sometimes the decisions you make and then the action you take gives an outcome that has a positive lifelong benefit to all”.

Next time your at the beach sit down and observe the family interaction and life on the beach, you never know you may learn something or even educate someone about safety at our beaches.

Later Clam Crunchers.

Mark G